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Department of Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation – Language Therapy Unit

 “Zhe-Xun was crying non-stop in the restaurant and could not be communicated. All the guests in the restaurant were staring at us…” 

“I could not get Yen-Ling to do anything. She wouldn’t eat or take a shower. If she sees some TV program she likes, it is impossible to make her move.”

“Xi is usually an adorable child but would cry for whatever frustration. She would not stop crying for at least one hour and we could not talk her out of it.”

We often hear the aforementioned situations when parents give feedback on their childing in class at the language therapy room. Have all parents encountered similar discipline difficulties when you take care of your children at home?

“Positive Discipline” is a mainstream parenting education approach in the latest 40 years – an extension of theory proposed by psychologist Alfred Adler and Rudolf Dreikurs.

What is “Positive Discipline?”

“Positive discipline” is an assertion of eliminating all conventional discipline approach of punishment and reward in the past but discipline children with “encouragement” approach.

The theory of “positive discipline” believes that children have four primary basic needs, namely sense of belonging and self-worth, recognition of self-ability, personal rights and independence, social and living skills. Alfred Adler believes that everyone is on the path to pursue sense of belonging and self-worth while misbehaving children often use the wrong or unaccepted method in search of oneself and seek for the possibility of being needed. If we handle the misbehavior of children through punishment, it will only trap the children and educators in a malicious struggle of power and add weight to the insecurity in children.

Hence, the fundamental belief in positive discipline is “we do better when we feel well.” Positive discipline emphasizes on teaching, understanding, encouragement and communication. When confronting conflicts, parents need to teach children rules and responsibility with “moderate but firm attitude.” Once the parents make agreement with the children, they must stay firm and never propose a commitment that could not fulfill.

Eight Essential Criteria of Positive Discipline

• Mutual Respect: Parents should show respect for themselves and take consideration of scenario needs to illustrate perseverance, demonstrating moderation through respect for children’s needs and nature. “Moderation” shows respect for children while “perseverance” shows respect for parents and the scenarios.
• Understanding the Belief Behind the Behavior: All human behaviors are purpose-oriented. Try to possibly understand the purpose of their behaviors in order to more effectively correct their inappropriate behaviors.
• Effective Communication: Parents and children need to learn to listen to each other’s needs and respectively conversation. Invite children to jointly think over and participate in rule establishment, giving them right to chose within limited scope.
• Understanding the World of Children: Understand the ability development milestones of children at current stage, and incorporate the quality and emotion of children into consideration to hep comprehend the behavioral patterns of children more easily.
• Teaching-Based Discipline: Adopt effective discipline approach to teach children social and life skills without connivance or punishment.
• Focus on Solution Rather than Punishment: Learn to face problems with children, find respect for each other and solution.
• Encouragement: Please give children encouragement when they show efforts and progress to help them develop affirmation of self-ability.
• Children Do Better When They Feel Better: Specifically describe the good behavior of children. When children are encouraged and perceive connection, care and love, they will be more willing to cooperate and learn, in addition to expressing emotion and respect.

It is emphasized in positive disciplines that the behavior manifestation in children is only a visible corner of the iceberg, however the misbelief hidden under the iceberg is the real cause of behavior manifestation. It is also mentioned in the book, “Positive Discipline for Children with Special Needs: Raising and Teaching All Children to Become Resilient, Responsible, and Respectful” that we need to take away the diagnosis labels when facing children with special needs, in order to interpret the message behind children’s behavior. We should try to possibly distinguish between the “innocent behavior” and “misbehavior” of children before we could correctly respond to children’s needs and take the correct discipline approach.