"No regrets for life and death" has always been a major goal of palliative care, and we believe that as long as the consciousness is clear, most of the end-stage patients know that their illness will not get better and their death is approaching. Whether the patient expresses it or not, when a person knows that he is leaving, he may have mixed emotions such as anxiety and anger.

You are also under a lot of pressure when you face physical discomfort and emotional changes from your relatives and friends. At this point, if you can give them some timely help, accompany them through their final journey, it will ease each other's regret.

How to accompany loved ones to face death?

• Reassure them

Let your dying loved one feel at ease and talk to him/her about his/her worries. Help him/her to let go of his/her worries and leave in peace.

• Allow their departure

For a dying person, it is the most important and the best gift for the family to allow him/her to leave. You can say to him/her: You can go without worry! We will take good care of ourselves and our families. Thank you for all you have done for us.

• Company and listening

The family members can keep him/her company, listening to his/her feelings, paying attention to the messages he/she is expressing, and responding when appropriate. They can gently hold his/her hands, touch his/her head, face and limbs, so that the patient can feel the love of his/her family.

• Not alone

Give support according to his or her faith; tell your loved one (if a Christian) that he or she has suffered a lot, that through god's promise, he or she has not been forsaken, and that god's love will always be with him or her. For a Buddhist, calm him/her down, and follow a Buddhist chant and ask Amitabha Buddha to lead him/her to the Pure Land of the West. In the end, we'll all meet again.

• Forgiveness

Tell your loved one that his/her past faults have been forgiven, and ask him/her to forgive yours as well.

• Remind him to move on

The dying one may be reluctant to let go. Remind him/her to head toward a bright place and we will give him/her our blessing.

• Four themes

1. Gratitude/love: Tell him/her that you love him/her and /thank him/her.
2. Forgiveness/goodbye: Tell him/her that you ignored their love and effort and talked back to them when growing up; tell him/her that you have grown up with their selfless care, that his/her responsibilities have been fulfilled and he /she should let go, and the family would stick together and you would be responsible for yourself, and that you are honored to be his/her child.

"You matter because you are you, and you matter to the end of your life. We will do all we can not only to help you die peacefully, but also to live until you die."  By Dr. Saunders